Ghosts in the Closets?

Who knew that I would wake up today and have to make a trip to the hospital? I can promise you that a trip to Knoxville was not on my list of things to do today. Not at all. And yet it became necessary. Life's like that I guess.
I had a long heart to heart with my Grandfather... even though he was in a coma. There were so many things to say.. things I had never taken the opportunity to say before....things I didn't want to regret having not said. ** Good news is that he came through his next surgery alright. He wasn't awake when I left but I feel peace about it. I hope that I can say all those things to him again... when he's conscious.
I keep thinking though. I don't know where he is with the Lord. My family isn't exactly the poster family for bliss and happiness. I worry about them. I pray for them. Somehow I missed actually talking with them. I guess I just got to where I saw it as the same ole speech. I thought to myself, "they don't want to hear about it again... it's been drilled into them enough that they need Jesus.." And I guess it's true. Only.....I could have said something. Anything. I don't know. He's my only remaining grandfather and I don't want to lose him without knowing I'll see him again. :sigh:
I have given him to God. Many a time. I suppose what I need to learn now is to leave him (and them) to God.... even when things get scary.
There's a verse that keeps coming to mind.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his step
-Proverbs 16:9

I can't help but compare this to those in my family. They might think they don't need Him... but God knows different. Even if it hurts, even if it makes me cry, I want them to find Him. Even if it takes everything, it would be enough.


Also, I have family I didn't know. Oh but they knew me... Strange. I don't recall ever seeing them in my life. My aunts... and cousins...
I thought I only had uncles.
That's a story for another time.
Sleep tight.
-R

Opuntiales

Before work I convinced Sierra that an exploration of Cleveland on foot was vital. These photos are the product of our adventure.

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I was captured by the peach trees.. and after being a creeper in this yard... we realized it was not a home and instead of flower shop. It also had grapes and all sorts of lovely stuff. (We're going to go back and buy a hydrangea bush.

My favorite shop was the little fudge shop.. it had picnic wear, sunglasses.. cups..and other random nic-nacs. (I'm going back for that picnic set)

***

What a great way to spend a Monday afternoon.

Who knows what will happen tomorrow. One things for certain.. I'm charging my camera!

What! You Didn't Know? Frank's My Homeboy!

I just finished cleaning my kitchen and I am glad that is over. It was an intense experience and the horrors of this day will never be erased from my mind. Girls are nasty. Enough said.
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Today has been a pretty interesting day. I have had some realizations... good and not so good. I didn't realize that I was an introvert until today. I have my moments of extroversion.. and then people are like HEY! but otherwise, I keep to myself. This makes me wonder, what should I do with my life considering I crave silence. A few things popped into my head and I have compiled a list.
1. Own a bookshop where silence reigns supreme.
2. Devote myself to the church. (uhh... is this one legitimate considering I'm pentecostal?)
3. Move to the country (check!) and buy a small house where I will surround myself with flowers, a vegetable garden-yum!- and raise cats.
3. Develop an immunity to cats.
4. Become a writer and move to the wilderness to create the greatest novel of all time!
5. Marry a man who likes silence so we can have our silence together.
6. Marry a man who lets me have my ME time... and have a job that also allows for alone time.
7. If I don't marry a man who allows for my own space... I maybe shouldn't have married him.. so I will not marry that man. (How complicated)
8. Never marry and live in solitude with my hypo-allergenic cats.
9. Become a horse whisperer
10. Become a librarian
11. a massage therapist?
12. Work in a spa
13. Or a morgue
Well... what do you think?
Sorry Guys, this one was on the bit of the ridiculous side... but hey!

You'd Think the World Would Be Sick of Silly Love Songs

If only life was like a Jane Austen novel. Girl meets boy, boy and girl quarrel, boy falls for girl, girl falls for boy, and then after a period of adversity- they marry. And all is right in the world.
But life isn't a book and happiness is what you make it. I will admit this only once (and luckily he doesn't read my blog) but John Mark was right. I should have given up silly love stories years ago. What nonsense!
Okay, I admit. I will still read Jane. She's my all time favorite. However, I am through waiting for something that isn't there.
To be quite honest, relationships are a lot of work. I am in no place to even begin to understand how to navigate those waters but that doesn't stop the sporadic desire to have one. Even now I feel no want of one but instead a small pricking in my subconscious and occasional musings that one would be a pleasant addition to my life.
Re-read what I just wrote-- "a pleasant addition?" Obviously I am not ready. Good thing because there is really no one I want.
So, here is my question: How does one know when they are ready for something that big to happen in their life? Do we ever know or does it just one day make sense?
I was speaking with my grandmother about it today and she informed me that when I met someone all the nonsense and confusion would fade into the background.
I keep trying to paint that picture in my head. All I get are images from Lori Wick and Deanne Gist novels. Life is not like that.
I am giggling at the thought of me falling (literally) into some strangers arms only to find he's "the one."
Oh JM, you were so right.
And I feel utterly ridiculous.
P.S. Jessy, I hope you find this entry to be less depressing than my recent themes. I had a serious giggle fest writing it. It makes me want to write fiction. If I ever make that happen, I'll let you know.
Although now that I think of it, the possibility of me falling into someone's arms isn't that ridiculous considering my gravity impaired tendencies!!! :O

Taking a Moment for Serious Talk

I'm ready for a new post. One of the things that has most surprised me about blogging is that I can actually blog. I mean, I keep most of my feelings and thoughts to myself.....but on here (minus the editing) I can be myself. Sort of.
Today (technically yesterday as it is sometime past two a.m) I worked the whole day away. I went in to my job this morning and worked diligently until 5:30 and then had dinner and went back until nine. Boo. After about an hour I once again was back at work to take care of a couple of matters- I then got back to hanging out with peeps (Sierra) around 11:45...
I came home about two a.m and and ran into my roommate Yuing. We were chatting and I told her how I hadn't had the time to clean my room or do laundry in days, which is a huge no-no in my book. She said that I shouldn't worry because no one knew it but me. I kind of laughed and we said goodnight. No big deal.
Only... it turns out it was a big deal. I couldn't get what she said out of my head. You see I don't want my life to be this way. I don't want to look spotlessly clean on the outside but be filthy inside. No one sees the state of my bedroom or laundry but I know that it needs tending and mending. My spiritual life is the same. I know and God knows.
I think we would all be pretty frightened if the world could look inside of us and know what were thinking.. the bad things, the good things... our secret desires and hopes that we are ashamed of..
Why can't we just be real with one another?
I don't know about the rest of you but... I'm just me. I can't be you. I can't be my friends, My family. I'm just me.
Sooo....here goes.
Hello. I'm Roxanne, no e (technically). I'm turning 21 this year. I graduate in May. I don't know where I'll be next year, I don't know who I'll be next year. I love Jesus. I abhor meat-I'm working on that though. I have a huge crush on Italy. I want love but I fear it. I'm different. "Unique" I've been told. I like to read biographies-- and unsolved mysteries. I have a plant named Seraphina. I have a crooked tooth. I lose my glasses- always three or four months before my yearly appointment (just lost them two days ago! Eep!) I would rather read than hang out. Sorry guys. :)
Seriously though, I'm just me.
Who are you?

"Trust me, I've got this" - God

God has been teaching me a lot about trust. God says, "Trust me and I will work it out" (paraphrased of course). And I've finally given up control. Life is still hard, I'm still concerned about the issues, but GOD is holding me up. And I am no longer afraid. The joy and peace that he has shown me is incredible. I cannot do anything without Him-- and why should I want to?


I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my Hope.

Just a Few Wonderful Things

New interesting and fun facts about my life!

1.) I am training to run a half-marathon with a group of people.
- I'm not going to lie it's intense
2.) I moved off campus and into a loft downtown.
3.) I have three Chinese roommates!
4.) I have one Nigerian roommate!
5.) I just tried some type of Chinese roll and it was fabulous.
- It had peppers and onions in it
6.) I'm doing some around-the-house chores for an elderly couple at NCT. They are very strong Christians
7.) I'm trying to get a second job this summer
8.) I'm taking summer classes!
9.) I'm going to Boston this summer!
10.) I turn 21 in September.