Hello everyone!
I know that I sent out in my letters that I will be blogging from this site while in Ecuador but I have decided to start afresh!
Please follow me @ senoritarosanna.blogspot.com
I hope to hear from you all soon!
Adios!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Who is This Girl?
Today I was going through some old journals when two sheets fell out of one of the notebooks. After reading them and dissolving into tears, I came to terms with the shift in my faith- but I want that faith back again. And I want that joy.
I wanted to include it on here because it was a beautiful time in my life and a reminder to seek him and find joy in him every single day.
Dear Father,
I can't believe how far you've brought me, the things you've shown me and the places you've taken me.
It's quiet and peaceful. I enjoy this feeling. You make me feel so incredibly amazing. Everyone is constantly creating. Creating for you. Some are painting, drawing, making chalk pictures. Praying... Journaling, all for you. All of us, one common desire- to get to know you better.
Jesus, you are my peace.
You give me joy. Joy like I've never known.
Peace I could only dream of.
A heart that longs to love.
Everyday I feel the strokes of your brush on my heart.
Everyday, you make me feel beautiful.
Everyday I feel a difference.
I feel beautiful.
I weep because you love me.
I weep because I never reach the pinnacle of what I need to be for you.
I wail because I cannot repay your love.
I will never be good enough...
Your grace has covered me.
Your grace has filled me with gladness and causes me to weep.
Tears of joy are my veil. They cover my face and my head continually before you.
Right now I am a piece of clay that has the beginnings of a form.
Each moment I feel your hands upon me- Stretching me, shaping me, turning me, smoothing me, bending me. Tenderly you mold me into the person you intended me to be.
Every moment I feel so incredibly loved and completely protected. I am yours. And woe is me! For I am unclean.
--
I want to make a difference for you.
With the orphans, the widows- protect my heart!
Consume me. Take me and consume all that I am, all that I've been, consume me. Consume me. Make me beautiful for you. Give me Jesus eyes. Take the veil from my eyes and make me see you. Let me see the world through your eyes.
I want to notice others. I want to make the world beautiful. I want to save your creation!
O God, please use me. You are my life. Only you.
--
You are so much more than me,
So much bigger than me,
so much more faithful.
You make everything magical.
You make my life magical!
I'm content to just spend my life loving you.
End.
My new prayer is that I can find that woman again. That girl who loved her Father so much so saw him in everything. He is ever faithful. My life and my path are evident of that. I can't express how much I want to be in love with him- all my life.
I wanted to include it on here because it was a beautiful time in my life and a reminder to seek him and find joy in him every single day.
Dear Father,
I can't believe how far you've brought me, the things you've shown me and the places you've taken me.
It's quiet and peaceful. I enjoy this feeling. You make me feel so incredibly amazing. Everyone is constantly creating. Creating for you. Some are painting, drawing, making chalk pictures. Praying... Journaling, all for you. All of us, one common desire- to get to know you better.
Jesus, you are my peace.
You give me joy. Joy like I've never known.
Peace I could only dream of.
A heart that longs to love.
Everyday I feel the strokes of your brush on my heart.
Everyday, you make me feel beautiful.
Everyday I feel a difference.
I feel beautiful.
I weep because you love me.
I weep because I never reach the pinnacle of what I need to be for you.
I wail because I cannot repay your love.
I will never be good enough...
Your grace has covered me.
Your grace has filled me with gladness and causes me to weep.
Tears of joy are my veil. They cover my face and my head continually before you.
Right now I am a piece of clay that has the beginnings of a form.
Each moment I feel your hands upon me- Stretching me, shaping me, turning me, smoothing me, bending me. Tenderly you mold me into the person you intended me to be.
Every moment I feel so incredibly loved and completely protected. I am yours. And woe is me! For I am unclean.
--
I want to make a difference for you.
With the orphans, the widows- protect my heart!
Consume me. Take me and consume all that I am, all that I've been, consume me. Consume me. Make me beautiful for you. Give me Jesus eyes. Take the veil from my eyes and make me see you. Let me see the world through your eyes.
I want to notice others. I want to make the world beautiful. I want to save your creation!
O God, please use me. You are my life. Only you.
--
You are so much more than me,
So much bigger than me,
so much more faithful.
You make everything magical.
You make my life magical!
I'm content to just spend my life loving you.
End.
My new prayer is that I can find that woman again. That girl who loved her Father so much so saw him in everything. He is ever faithful. My life and my path are evident of that. I can't express how much I want to be in love with him- all my life.
ABCs and... ABCs.
If you have any letter games that you no longer want, please send them my way. I want to take as many as possible with me in January. Basically, I need old scrabble letters, bananagrams, scrabble apple pieces... anything you've got! I'm hoping to use the letters in my lessons at the foundation so PLEASE let me know if you can help. Thanks guys!
117 DAYS TO GO!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
141 Days to Go
I'm really leaving. It all seems like a crazy fantasy- planning this trip, taking a leap of faith. I know God is the one in control of my life and I'm prepared- excited even...but still, I'M MOVING TO SOUTH AMERICA IN 141 DAYS! P.S. Know anyone who wants a cat? It seems that my cat will be homeless when I move to Ecuador... the parentals aren't interested in having more pets :( Someone save Clarke!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Once Upon a Time...
There was a little girl who wanted to serve Jesus with all of her heart. He was her best friend, Father, Mother, sister, brother, neighbor, and roommate. He was there when she woke in the morning and He followed her everywhere she went that day. She thought of Him all day at school and she daydreamed of Him in the summers - even pretending that He was playing pirates and running through fields with her. She had a song of joy constantly in her heart.
As a child, she knew that God had something different planned for her life- something that made her think twice about her choices. The little girl was not sure what this plan was but she knew that God would show her where to go and what to do when He was ready for her to go. And now that God has revealed that plan…
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, that little girl was me. Yes, I’ve been fortunate to grow up with God in my life- in it, around it, completely in control of it, and loved by Him every single day. It hasn’t always been sunshine and roses but I’ve always known that there was a reason for everything- even the ugly things. As a teen, I spent many a night crying into my pillow because I wanted to be do the things other girls were doing- dating and…well, dating. It seems petty now but at the time I didn’t realize the wonderful things God wanted me to do instead. I have had so many opportunities to grown in relationship with Him, my family, friends, and the community because I’ve had that time to devote to greater things.
In the back of my mind I have always known that this is what God had planned for my life. I thought I could ignore it and do “more interesting” things. However, that only satisfied me for a time. For the past year and a half God has been working on my heart and questioning my motivations in everything that I do and say.
I thought I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be but God had completely transformed my thinking. I think about Ecuador, I dream about it… it is constantly on my mind. I find myself planning ahead- thinking of what I will teach them to say in English first or how my Spanish is going to hold up. I wonder what God is going to teach me. How will God use me?
As a child, she knew that God had something different planned for her life- something that made her think twice about her choices. The little girl was not sure what this plan was but she knew that God would show her where to go and what to do when He was ready for her to go. And now that God has revealed that plan…
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, that little girl was me. Yes, I’ve been fortunate to grow up with God in my life- in it, around it, completely in control of it, and loved by Him every single day. It hasn’t always been sunshine and roses but I’ve always known that there was a reason for everything- even the ugly things. As a teen, I spent many a night crying into my pillow because I wanted to be do the things other girls were doing- dating and…well, dating. It seems petty now but at the time I didn’t realize the wonderful things God wanted me to do instead. I have had so many opportunities to grown in relationship with Him, my family, friends, and the community because I’ve had that time to devote to greater things.
In the back of my mind I have always known that this is what God had planned for my life. I thought I could ignore it and do “more interesting” things. However, that only satisfied me for a time. For the past year and a half God has been working on my heart and questioning my motivations in everything that I do and say.
I thought I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be but God had completely transformed my thinking. I think about Ecuador, I dream about it… it is constantly on my mind. I find myself planning ahead- thinking of what I will teach them to say in English first or how my Spanish is going to hold up. I wonder what God is going to teach me. How will God use me?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I Will Waste My Life
I used to think that I had to be the best of the best. I believed that in order to be respected and fulfilled that I would have to have a serious education- nothing less than a doctorate. Okay, I never wanted to be rich.. that's never been high on my list of priorities. Money has never been something that I've cared about. Which is good... considering that Jesus is sending me towards a life other than the one I had planned for myself.
Fickle as I am, I naively thought that I could plan my life and that God would allow me to pursue my dreams... as long as I was trying to be a good Christian. And I'm sure that in most situations, that does work out... but not in my case. At least, not right now.
Here I am, graduating and floating in a sea of uncertainty. My entire existence has been about order, meticulous planning, and.... I am freaking out!
However, God has asked me to do something else. To put my own desires aside and to use the compassion and empathy that he has blessed (sometimes, cursed) me with. He is asking me to get down in the dirt and dig, plant, water, nurture the seeds that He will plant in the heart and minds of the people. And I can't help but feel my heart swell with gratitude- at being a part of such a journey, to be saved, loved, and cared for by such a great God.
That is why I feel such a kinship to this song. Misty Edwards sings, "I'll say goodbye to my Father, my mother- turn my back on every other lover and I'll press on, yes, I'll press on.... For I am in LOVE with you and there is no cost, I am in love with you and there is no loss. I am in love with you - I wanna take your name. I am in love with you, I wanna cling to you, Jesus. Just let me cling to you, Jesus."
WOW.
For some time now I have felt God nudging me towards a life that I haven't planned. I am terrified. Yet, I am excited. I am unsure, yet I am certain. I am unworthy, yet I know that I am being sent.
Who am I that He would send me?
Isn't there someone else that is better qualified? Someone else who gets it right? I am so unworthy.
Someday, I think, I would like to go to Graduate school. I think I would like to pursue a doctorate degree. I would like to meet some sweet man and fall in love- you know, cute house, two dogs, one cat (got the cat already!) white picket fence, a couple of children etc. Someday.
However, at this moment, I know that God is calling me to put those dreams aside and to fall in love with His dream for me.
Miss Roxanne Holloway, Missionary?
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: 17 Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me
I used to see this scripture as a beautiful description of what a great marriage would be... Now, I guess I see it a little differently. Wherever He is, I want to be there. Whether it's in Seattle, Chicago, China, Africa, or... Ecuador. I want to be there. Where thou lodgest, I will lodge.
And I can't help but remember the prophecy of my youth. I can't help but think that this is the time that God has called me for.
Here I am. Just me. Broken, pitiful me. It took sliding to the end of my rope to realize that I was two feet from the ground. God wasn't leaving me... He has been trying to show to look at the world from a different perspective.
Here I am. Send me.
:)
Fickle as I am, I naively thought that I could plan my life and that God would allow me to pursue my dreams... as long as I was trying to be a good Christian. And I'm sure that in most situations, that does work out... but not in my case. At least, not right now.
Here I am, graduating and floating in a sea of uncertainty. My entire existence has been about order, meticulous planning, and.... I am freaking out!
However, God has asked me to do something else. To put my own desires aside and to use the compassion and empathy that he has blessed (sometimes, cursed) me with. He is asking me to get down in the dirt and dig, plant, water, nurture the seeds that He will plant in the heart and minds of the people. And I can't help but feel my heart swell with gratitude- at being a part of such a journey, to be saved, loved, and cared for by such a great God.
That is why I feel such a kinship to this song. Misty Edwards sings, "I'll say goodbye to my Father, my mother- turn my back on every other lover and I'll press on, yes, I'll press on.... For I am in LOVE with you and there is no cost, I am in love with you and there is no loss. I am in love with you - I wanna take your name. I am in love with you, I wanna cling to you, Jesus. Just let me cling to you, Jesus."
WOW.
For some time now I have felt God nudging me towards a life that I haven't planned. I am terrified. Yet, I am excited. I am unsure, yet I am certain. I am unworthy, yet I know that I am being sent.
Who am I that He would send me?
Isn't there someone else that is better qualified? Someone else who gets it right? I am so unworthy.
Someday, I think, I would like to go to Graduate school. I think I would like to pursue a doctorate degree. I would like to meet some sweet man and fall in love- you know, cute house, two dogs, one cat (got the cat already!) white picket fence, a couple of children etc. Someday.
However, at this moment, I know that God is calling me to put those dreams aside and to fall in love with His dream for me.
Miss Roxanne Holloway, Missionary?
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: 17 Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me
I used to see this scripture as a beautiful description of what a great marriage would be... Now, I guess I see it a little differently. Wherever He is, I want to be there. Whether it's in Seattle, Chicago, China, Africa, or... Ecuador. I want to be there. Where thou lodgest, I will lodge.
And I can't help but remember the prophecy of my youth. I can't help but think that this is the time that God has called me for.
Here I am. Just me. Broken, pitiful me. It took sliding to the end of my rope to realize that I was two feet from the ground. God wasn't leaving me... He has been trying to show to look at the world from a different perspective.
Here I am. Send me.
:)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Ramblings of a Sleep Deprived, Exhausted Woman at Midnight.
I started a new job at Panera Bread. Right now, I am a glorified diner girl. I clean the tables, chat with the old folks, and wash the dishes. It is actually an enjoyable time for me since I simply like to talk to people. I don't always want to be the girl stuck in dining room but....well... we shall see where it goes.
On another note... I have started a Blessings journal. Everyday I write down at least one blessing from the day and when I am feeling down and out... I simply re-read all the wonderful things God has done for me.. And those things... Wow. Since I started the journal, blessing upon blessing has been poured out. And, honestly, he's been doing these things all along.. I just didn't notice them.
Kind of amazing.
I'm seeing God in a new light... I am trying my hardest to find the joy and awe in my relationship with Him again. I will admit that my relationship with Him hasn't been what it should have been the past year. I was simply trying to make it. Now...I am doing more than just making it.. I am thriving. God is changing everything about me to reflect Him. I just wish I weren't so dang stubborn.
Pray for me. My strong, stubborn mind and independent nature holds me back in this area. I find them to be helpful most of the time but in this... I need to surrender again. So, pray that I can finally fully hand over control.
Now that I have confessed all.... I guess this is goodnight!
On another note... I have started a Blessings journal. Everyday I write down at least one blessing from the day and when I am feeling down and out... I simply re-read all the wonderful things God has done for me.. And those things... Wow. Since I started the journal, blessing upon blessing has been poured out. And, honestly, he's been doing these things all along.. I just didn't notice them.
Kind of amazing.
I'm seeing God in a new light... I am trying my hardest to find the joy and awe in my relationship with Him again. I will admit that my relationship with Him hasn't been what it should have been the past year. I was simply trying to make it. Now...I am doing more than just making it.. I am thriving. God is changing everything about me to reflect Him. I just wish I weren't so dang stubborn.
Pray for me. My strong, stubborn mind and independent nature holds me back in this area. I find them to be helpful most of the time but in this... I need to surrender again. So, pray that I can finally fully hand over control.
Now that I have confessed all.... I guess this is goodnight!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)