Ecuador Bound

Ecuador bound in January. I wanted to give my friends an opportunity to see where I am going and get an idea of what my life is going to be like in just a few short months.
I am going to work with the Bread of Life Foundation in Atucucho, Quito, Ecuador. It is the poorest area in the Capital City of Quito.
Included here are photos of my future home.
Love,
Roxie

Can I just say that God is wonderful. He is beautiful and incredible. And no, everything has not been resolved and picture perfect. I have just decided to let Jesus have control of my life. Finally. I know, I think that I have said this before but really, I have been given no other choice. I have felt such peace about everything, even as I freak out. Does that make sense? I've decided that all of this must be happening so I can move on into His plan for my life. We shall see.
I think that I might start blogging daily. Short blogs, mostly. I just know that I need to share this journey- crazy as it is- with others. It's important.
Gotta go.
Pray for me!

Just Wow.

Sigh. If you ask God to give you faith... He gives you opportunities to practice the faith you have. Just an FYI.
Be careful what you wish for...cause you just might get it. (Yes, I know I inserted a pop song but it was really necessary..considering).
I can't give specifics about the issues making me rely upon my faith as of yet.
Stay tuned and I hope to be able to give a clearer picture of this year once I am "allowed" to.
Isaiah 30:18-21 has become my mantra.

Mustard Seed Faith

Yesterday I was sitting outside on my porch swing, wrapped in my snuggie, reading my Bible when I realized that I was being a hypocrit. Reason? I will tell you.
I have a Women of Faith study Bible that I have been using (love it!) for the past several years. Only, lately- due to financial issues and stress- my faith meter has been dangerously low. So, having such small faith, I felt extremely hypocritical reading my faith study Bible.
--
As I thought about this and despair washed over me, I opened my Bible and it fell to a piece of scripture that I have never once glanced at before. This is what it said:

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will help you when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it."
Isaiah 30:18-21.

Okay. Wow.
First of all, I was touched by verse 18 when I read of God's longing to be gracious to me. It made me feel as though I truly was not alone in this.
Second, -- "you will weep no more" -- I have wasted many a tear on my current situation and knowing that God wants to be gracious to me and to keep me from my tears speaks volumes.
Third,-- "He will help you when you cry for help!" Okay, right now all I can do is call for help. Knowing he will help me is important.
fourth, -- "as soon as he hears, he will answer you." This was powerful to me because I constantly feel as though He doesn't hear me. It was nice to have this reiterated.
fifth, -- "your teachers will be hidden no more" -- Good to know that he will show me how my trials have taught me a lesson. I needed to know that I was not going through all of this for nothing.
Sixth, -- "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it." -- BAM! This is my life right now. I have no idea which way I should go, what I should be doing with my life, or what God wants from me. Stepping out in faith is really the only way. It is all I can do. I can rest in the knowledge that God is directing me and will confirm each and every footstep.

So, instead of berating me for my small faith, God decided to give me a little bit of hope to guide my faith in the right direction and to encourage me throughout the journey. (Hebrews 11:1)
Pray for me!

Frustration Rules My Life

I felt like I needed to blog this to get it out of my system...if it's something that I need to get out of my system.

You see, sometimes I try to picture myself getting falling in love and getting married but it seems so ridiculous to me. Maybe it's a side effect of having both of parents getting divorced again that has me in this funk but.. I don't know if it's possible for me to experience a lasting relationship. This could possibly be the reason why I am currently single. Maybe I'm just uninterested in men. Maybe.

I have only really been interested in one guy in my entire life. And now I can't even remember what it was that I found so alluring/charming about him.

I am at this point in my life where no one holds any interest for me. Does this mean something?

I keep telling myself that this whole single thing is something I am living and learning from right now because God has someone special for me. But does he really?

Sometimes I wonder.

There's a song called By the Way They Dance by Jump, Little Children. It is possibly the most romantic, beautiful song that I have ever heard and I want that feeling in my life. Only, the problem is that there is no one interesting around me. Or maybe I am wanting too much?

I don't think so. I just get so... bored in the company of most men.

I want someone who has a personality.... someone unique. I wonder if that is possible in this society? Maybe it is impossible to find that person in Cleveland? That's highly improbable.

Yes, I get the occasional creep who asks me out. Other than that... Nada.

My grandmothers think I am lying to them when I say that there are no men interested in me. "How can there be no one interested in you? You're beautiful, smart, funny. You're great!" Says my grandmothers. Sadly, that's not the case- at least not here.

Don't get me wrong, I like my life. I do.

I just get overwhelmed when I think that I am 21 and I have never been on a date. Not ever.

I can't help but feel weird about it.

My mother reassures me that it's because I have someone special that I am being saved for. Sure. I can handle that. I try to believe it.. but I fall short. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I smell funny. Maybe, just maybe it's because I'm an individual.

If that's the case, I can handle that. I don't mind being alone if it means I'm not expected to be a cookie cutter image of another woman. No thanks.

But still..

It gets lonely.

I work in a video store and I get weekly visits from an old man who comes in for Pepsi and conversation. His name is Fred and he's a wonderful, sweet old man. He always asks me what my plans with my boyfriend are. I always reply that I'm single.

What I love about Fred is that he knows exactly what I want. When he tells me that all the men in this town are "Crazy for passing you up" I can't help but feel a little pride. (he's very good with words)

I just need to get out of this town!

Always the friend, never the girlfriend. Story of my life.

I really wish that God would let something happen. I am getting a little frustrated here.

I am blogging this and I know no one will read it because no one reads my blog. I guess that makes it easier to get this out in the open.

Final comment: Maybe I should stop listening to this song and I would stop wanting something I am not meant to have.

No. I can't stop listening to it. I love it.

Adios.

Valentines Day Surprise

I don't know about you but.. I had a fantastic Valentines Day. No, I didn't have a date....I had eight dates. haha! My friends and I had a dinner for Valentines Day. We all brought a dish- I brought a macaroni and potato casserole- and we watched movies and just hung out. Best time ever! I played with the cat, Winston, and got clawed up. We talked about everything and nothing at all. It was superb.

Valentines Day has never been important to me and usually I forget about it and realize after it's over that it passed. However, I have to say, I had one of my top nights last night and I realize more and more how blessed I am to have such wonderful, beautiful friends. I wouldn't have traded last night to have it any other way.

So, Heck yes, I'm single! And I love it.

See ya soon?!

Roxie

So, yesterday I was having a rough time of it. I am not going to sugar coat it. I was a mess. Most of it was stubborn pride, anger, humiliation, and sadness. I thought that I was being laughed at, mocked, or even abandoned by God. Ridiculous, I know.

When you're trying to follow God's plan for your life... when you finally give up your desires and wishes... it doesn't mean everything is going to be lollipops and sunshine.

2009 was the hardest year of my life- for many different reasons- and now that I have finally surrendered control of my life and all my heartaches to Jesus, it makes sense that Satan might be having some anger issues.

Chronicling 2009, I would have to admit that even when things were really bad...Jesus still held me. Realizing that now, when I am stronger, I know that all I've been facing that seems to hinder that plan He's given me... is simply reason enough for me to continue pressing forward to make it happen.

Thank You Jesus for making me different, for making me sensitive and compassionate towards others... and Thank You for choosing me to do something so incredible with my life.

You are the only reason I exist and I thank you for that.

He who loves purity of heart And has grace on his lips, The king will be his friend.

Proverbs 22:11

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

I want to be friends with my God and I want to be forgiving and kind to everyone. I want to cherish that which is good and sweet. I want to be a Christian model to others- to those that others scorn and toss aside.

Create in me a heart that beats only for you, Jesus, so that I may walk among those who do not fear you and teach them of you.