Well, today is my twentieth birthday. I have been waiting for this one for a while. Funny, I feel as though a cloak of responsibility has sat down upon my shoulders since 12:00 am this morning. All of a sudden, I can't use the excuse that I am too young anymore. Blast! Well, it was a good one while it lasted. Haha.
I would really like to say that I have increased in maturity and grown into an "exceptional young woman" but the truth is, I have so much to learn about being a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a Christian.
I don't always make the right decisions and I do not always readily forgive. Sometimes I struggle with my feelings and make wrong choices. And I have embarrassed myself so many times that I can only hope that people don't remember it later.
I am learning about being confident and to love who I am. This hasn't always been so. Someday I hope to be a role model for my sisters, brothers, and even my niece and nephew. Right now I don't find myself a worthy one.
I guess this birthday has made me want to better myself. To be who God really and truly wants me to be. I want to look inside myself and see all the ugly, unholy and disgraceful things and to peruse them, recognize them and then ask God to make me clean.
I do not enjoy God's chastisement but I do know that it is essential.
My willful spirit and independence sometimes makes it difficult for me to ask for forgiveness when I do wrong but I know that I want to be able to do it in an instant.
Yes, I did do a lot of soul searching and quiet contemplation today. It probably wasn't the most exciting birthday but it was a fulfilling one.
I wonder what God will show me on my next one?
1 comment:
Happy Belated Birthday! (I have like the worst memory in the world)
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