This morning I was reading the book of Samuel and I cannot describe how Hannah makes me feel. I used to think, 'Wow, she is a tough woman to give her only (that she expected, anyway) son to the Lord, only to visit him once a year.' Now, I do not have any children but I know that I would have a lot of trouble giving up my child. I have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that Jon is growing up so fast. It's ridiculous how much he doesn't need me. Today I noticed that she has an even bigger story that just being a self-less mother. Hannah loved God. She trusted God. I sometimes have a hard time trusting others... I am not sure why.. and I think I have abandonment issues. I put up walls and I refuse to get close to others. No, I take that back-- I refuse to get close to men. It is hard for me to admit that but it is true. So, maybe, somewhere in the back of my mind I have let that affect my relationship with God too. I know that God loves me and cares for me but I mean, would I give my child to God? I think so. If there is anyone I can trust, it's Him.
Hannah prayed, gave her problem to God, and then she got up... and went home. Just like that. And to make this story even better, God granted her deepest desire-- and that was a son, a son to give back to Him. I have never in my life wanted anything as much as I want to be loved by God. And not just loved but embraced and spoken to. I want God to be my very, very best friend. I want God to be my husband. My confidant. My comforter. That is my deepest desire.

Eli told Hannah to "go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." (1 Sam. 1:17).
"Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

My petition and desire is Him. Day after Day I grow in my intensity for Him.

And while I am finding this in Him, I am learning that sometimes trust is a step into the unknown... I can learn to trust others because God isn't my earthly father and every man isn't my dad. God is the only Father that can effect my life and change it. And honestly, that makes me want to mend every broken bridge with my dad.

You know, I thought that when my parents divorced that I was no longer a daddy's girl.. funny thing is.. God just decided to step in and take over. And it's so much better.