Who knew that I would wake up today and have to make a trip to the hospital? I can promise you that a trip to Knoxville was not on my list of things to do today. Not at all. And yet it became necessary. Life's like that I guess.
I had a long heart to heart with my Grandfather... even though he was in a coma. There were so many things to say.. things I had never taken the opportunity to say before....things I didn't want to regret having not said. ** Good news is that he came through his next surgery alright. He wasn't awake when I left but I feel peace about it. I hope that I can say all those things to him again... when he's conscious.
I keep thinking though. I don't know where he is with the Lord. My family isn't exactly the poster family for bliss and happiness. I worry about them. I pray for them. Somehow I missed actually talking with them. I guess I just got to where I saw it as the same ole speech. I thought to myself, "they don't want to hear about it again... it's been drilled into them enough that they need Jesus.." And I guess it's true. Only.....I could have said something. Anything. I don't know. He's my only remaining grandfather and I don't want to lose him without knowing I'll see him again. :sigh:
I have given him to God. Many a time. I suppose what I need to learn now is to leave him (and them) to God.... even when things get scary.
There's a verse that keeps coming to mind.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his step
-Proverbs 16:9
I can't help but compare this to those in my family. They might think they don't need Him... but God knows different. Even if it hurts, even if it makes me cry, I want them to find Him. Even if it takes everything, it would be enough.
Also, I have family I didn't know. Oh but they knew me... Strange. I don't recall ever seeing them in my life. My aunts... and cousins...
I thought I only had uncles.
That's a story for another time.
Sleep tight.
-R
