Dear God, Come Sit By Me

Today I had the most amazing experience.

I read a scripture that I have heard a million times in my lifetime...but never really experienced until today.

And I don't think it could have come at a better time in my life than now.

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Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

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One of the first scriptures you learn as a baby and it took me twenty-one years to really, really grasp it.

I have been crying out... every day, in every way.. wishing, yearning, missing my Jesus...

so tired, ready to disappear into my pain, exhausted...

and then, I see this...

I really love my Jesus. That is really all I can say.

Reflections Before Psychology Of Women

Can I just say that it has been a stressful year? And it is not even over yet. I cannot wait until this whole ordeal with Mark has been completed- until he has to pay for his crimes and can no longer haunt my family. I want peace. Simple peace.
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I started counseling sessions with a counselor at school. A lot of people do not like to share that they are going to counseling- and that is completely fine- but I feel like I should let people know that I am doing it. And it is for no one else other than myself that I do.
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One of the things that I have come up against this year is the fact that I don't do anything for myself. I constantly think of what I can do to make everyone else's life easier. I don't take care of myself and I realize now that it is time to do so.
It doesn't make me selfish, it doesn't make me less of a woman- it just makes me healthy.

One of the things I have learned this year is that we put unrealistic expectations on women.
We have it in our head that a woman is supposed to be the perfect woman, a great wife, a superb mother, successful in all areas of life- smart, ambitious -but not too ambitious because that's "masculine"- kind, compassionate, long-suffering, always available...but that is preposterous!
I could never be that woman. And neither can any other woman on the face of this earth.
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My latest session with my counselor has resulted in an assignment to relax. Anyone else confused?! I have two huge papers due next week... how can I relax? However, I have been told that I am not allowed to do any school work on Friday night.... just to relax and be calm.
Sigh.
Can I really do it?
I was thinking maybe I will go to the Ocoee and take some photos... read a book... sit on my porch swing and have a chat with Jesus.
I really miss Jesus.
How did my life turn into this? I do not want to live like this anymore.
I want to be free.
I want to be me again.
I am who I am and I love myself... but sometimes, I feel like I am the only one who loves me.
And that is ridiculous.. but it doesn't stop the feeling of loneliness...
Once again, I am trying to fix myself... which is not possible..
I know that I am loved, that I am cherished, and that I am special to at least one person- and I really LOVE my God.
I do.
I cannot wait to lose some of this stress.
Hence my promise to myself to adhere to the orders of my therapist... and do something for me.
Too bad I am broke....or I would buy myself some new shoes. THAT always does the trick! :)
Much love!