Today I was going through some old journals when two sheets fell out of one of the notebooks. After reading them and dissolving into tears, I came to terms with the shift in my faith- but I want that faith back again. And I want that joy.
I wanted to include it on here because it was a beautiful time in my life and a reminder to seek him and find joy in him every single day.
Dear Father,
I can't believe how far you've brought me, the things you've shown me and the places you've taken me.
It's quiet and peaceful. I enjoy this feeling. You make me feel so incredibly amazing. Everyone is constantly creating. Creating for you. Some are painting, drawing, making chalk pictures. Praying... Journaling, all for you. All of us, one common desire- to get to know you better.
Jesus, you are my peace.
You give me joy. Joy like I've never known.
Peace I could only dream of.
A heart that longs to love.
Everyday I feel the strokes of your brush on my heart.
Everyday, you make me feel beautiful.
Everyday I feel a difference.
I feel beautiful.
I weep because you love me.
I weep because I never reach the pinnacle of what I need to be for you.
I wail because I cannot repay your love.
I will never be good enough...
Your grace has covered me.
Your grace has filled me with gladness and causes me to weep.
Tears of joy are my veil. They cover my face and my head continually before you.
Right now I am a piece of clay that has the beginnings of a form.
Each moment I feel your hands upon me- Stretching me, shaping me, turning me, smoothing me, bending me. Tenderly you mold me into the person you intended me to be.
Every moment I feel so incredibly loved and completely protected. I am yours. And woe is me! For I am unclean.
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I want to make a difference for you.
With the orphans, the widows- protect my heart!
Consume me. Take me and consume all that I am, all that I've been, consume me. Consume me. Make me beautiful for you. Give me Jesus eyes. Take the veil from my eyes and make me see you. Let me see the world through your eyes.
I want to notice others. I want to make the world beautiful. I want to save your creation!
O God, please use me. You are my life. Only you.
--
You are so much more than me,
So much bigger than me,
so much more faithful.
You make everything magical.
You make my life magical!
I'm content to just spend my life loving you.
End.
My new prayer is that I can find that woman again. That girl who loved her Father so much so saw him in everything. He is ever faithful. My life and my path are evident of that. I can't express how much I want to be in love with him- all my life.
2 comments:
Aye thats the Roxie I knew the most...
What date was that?
I estimate the time frame that it was written as a year- a year and a half ago due to the notebook paper used and the ink.
The best part about it is that I still feel that way about God.. it's just been really hard to express myself in that way for a while now. It was wonderful to read the note and it warmed my heart.
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