So, yesterday I was having a rough time of it. I am not going to sugar coat it. I was a mess. Most of it was stubborn pride, anger, humiliation, and sadness. I thought that I was being laughed at, mocked, or even abandoned by God. Ridiculous, I know.

When you're trying to follow God's plan for your life... when you finally give up your desires and wishes... it doesn't mean everything is going to be lollipops and sunshine.

2009 was the hardest year of my life- for many different reasons- and now that I have finally surrendered control of my life and all my heartaches to Jesus, it makes sense that Satan might be having some anger issues.

Chronicling 2009, I would have to admit that even when things were really bad...Jesus still held me. Realizing that now, when I am stronger, I know that all I've been facing that seems to hinder that plan He's given me... is simply reason enough for me to continue pressing forward to make it happen.

Thank You Jesus for making me different, for making me sensitive and compassionate towards others... and Thank You for choosing me to do something so incredible with my life.

You are the only reason I exist and I thank you for that.

He who loves purity of heart And has grace on his lips, The king will be his friend.

Proverbs 22:11

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

I want to be friends with my God and I want to be forgiving and kind to everyone. I want to cherish that which is good and sweet. I want to be a Christian model to others- to those that others scorn and toss aside.

Create in me a heart that beats only for you, Jesus, so that I may walk among those who do not fear you and teach them of you.