The Beautiful Gardens of Livadia Palace

We weren't allowed to walk into this courtyard- it was closed off. However, it was beautiful to look into.

The most adorable bench in the whole garden. (And wasn't made of granite like the others; I bet it didn't cost what they did either).

This was a moss bed that was growing down the side of the garden.... I wanted to lay in it and snuggle down inside it

Livadia Palace. Summer home of Anastasia. (Pardon the smudge spot in the center. I didn't realize it at the time).

It didn't add the picture (on the last blog) as it was supposed to. So... here it is. It's beautiful, right?

I am Blogging from Microsoft Word!

Since I am home for Christmas Break and have nothing better to do with my time, I have decided to set up the blog option on my Microsoft Word 2007! I thought, "Roxie, you're not dumb. You can handle the computer. " It's been interesting figuring this thing out.

Isn't this photo great? I took it at the Palace in Yalta, Ukraine. It was part of the pathway. Tsar Nicholas and his family (the last Romanov family to rule in Russia) used this palace as a summer home. I thought it was fascinating to see this family up close and personal.

 

This is only a practice post. Don't hate on it too much. I hope it turns out well.

Roxie

To My Friend Jessy :)

I am so excited that I got the one gift that I wanted for Christmas. And kudos to Jessy for keeping the faith. We did it! Lol (although WE had absolutely NOTHING to do with the outcome). This post is specifically for Jessy.
:)

PARIS... just a couple of shots

I couldn't resist getting a shot in front of the Eiffel Tower.... we had to walk across two streets and up a park to get this shot

Notre Dame. I sat on a concrete pillar and just looked at this beautiful church for half and hour while the rest of the group look at gift shops. I think I chose the greater.

This is a picture I took directly under the Eiffel Tower...

one of my first glimpses of the Eiffel Tower

I miss my bed. I miss its softness. My body pillow and down pillow. I miss my memory foam mattress topper. I miss my room.

I love being here with my family- especially during the Christmas season. Not to mention the fact that my grandmother is in the hospital. So, yeah, it's good that I am here for the holidays.

I just want my books. and my kitchen. My apple slicer. I am really missing my apple slicer. Eating apples is just not the same without my crazy amazing apple slicer. I miss my teapot. I miss the sound of it whistling when my tea is ready. I miss my tea. I forgot to bring it with me to mom's house.

I miss my moon chair. My movies. My computer printer. My craft box! Oh, how I miss my craft box!

I know. I am whining about material things. I know. The thing is, I just miss having my own house. I tried to bring a little bit of home with me. I brought some of my favorite books with me- although now that I am here, I just want to read the ones I left behind.

I just want a cup of tea.

Romancing... Me?

It finally occurred to me today- the reason why love songs are so popular. And this isn't just a poke at women- men think about these things too. Everyone wants romance. They want to experience that giddiness that comes with having a crush. It's intoxicating- and lethal. One thing that I have noticed is that we are always looking- no matter how hard we try not to. I wish that we could stop viewing each other as potential romances and see each other in a much more fullfilling light. I am not putting down romance- I think there's a time and a place for everything. Only, shouldn't a romance be founded in friendship? I have noticed that love songs are always speaking of chance meetings in the moonlight that ignites a spark of complete devotion--- What?! That doesn't even make any sense to me. When I was younger I used to think in this mentality- I mean, movies make it seem so appealing- but growing up has shown me that no romance can be lasting if you don't know the other person.
First of all, as a Christian, I have an obligation to prayerfully seek God about all my relationships- even friendships. I was listening to Wait for Me by Rebecca St. James today while I was reading and thinking about my life. And the conclusion that I have come to is- What does it matter if I find romance today or in ten years? God is complete control of my life- and that is such a comfort.
I have a friend, Jessy, who has adopted a lot of her guy friends as brothers- what a practical idea! Instead of seeing the men around us as potential husbands, we should be seeing them as brothers in Christ. Instead of clouding up our relationships with infatuations, let's build deep friendships. Lots of women say they want their husbands to be their best friend- yet they don't take time to build a friendship with him before jumping into a relationship.
So, I think if I have to pick a love song for myself- I would pick I Will Waste My Life by Misty Edwards. First and foremost I want my romance to be with Jesus. The rest can come later- when God says it's time

My Crazy Night

So, this is what happened....
Brian has his friend D.J. over, who reminds me somewhat of Micah, but just not quite as cool, and they played guitar in Brian's room for hours. However, what I didn't seem to grasp was that Jonathan was somehow a part of this atmosphere.... which can only mean one thing-- Brian is going to pick on him somehow....
I was up fairly late- doing some youtubing and reading blogs.. whatever- and Jon was faithfully sitting with me.. reading the blogs...taking random myspace quizzes..like, "what's your love song." We got the same one by the way. Apparently the two of us are tired of waiting for love.
I finally told him that it was time for him to go to bed... he's only nine after all...
Well, he breaks down.. tears up... grabs my hand and begs me to come with him-- my thoughts were something like, "There is no way he is dragging me up to his room tonight to play video games... I already played Yoshi's story on Nintendo with him tonight.." So I refuse to accompany him. He starts crying and pleading for me to come... I decided something was definitely up.
He then tells me, in sporadic phrases that Brian told him about some old white house where we used to live that was haunted... and he just couldn't stop thinking about it.... At this time I am so confused-- What house? where? When did this happen?
I ended up journeying to his room... where I promised to sleep with him... for a while...
The two of us are cuddled up on his bed... and I am looking off in the distance thinking about life.. and how much I would like to be doing my own thing... when I notice... He's sleeping... deeply....
I start itching out of the bed... little by little... He jerks awake! He looks at me and says, "Roxie, where're you going?" I sigh, lay back down and say, "No where, Jon. No where."
He falls back asleep.. I wait a while longer.... I start to get up, he open his eyes... I lay back down...
Ten minutes later.. the same thing. I got a little smarter this time... I decided to lay on my stomach... I stretched my right leg over the side... I learn-- He wakes up again....
Drat!
Finally, I decide to chance it-- I place my foot on the ground... I lean... I move... He wakes up again... I fall onto the floor... He says, "Roxie, what're you doing?"
"I'm gonna sleep on the floor Jon." "OH, okay.....wait, what will you sleep with?" "I'll....." I look around frantically-- "I'll use your spare pillow.. and this to cover with" (I pointed to his jacket-- He was too sleep induced to notice). "That's good..." He replied.
SO, I lay in the floor... feeling sorry for myself and wanting to escape..
Once again... I started inching my way towards the door... I'm crawling... Jon's sleeping... and then-- My knee pops! Jon sits up.... I say, (like the trapped mouse I am) "Hey, just moving my pillow..." He lays back down..
After a while I get up... he asks what I'm doing.. I say, I've got to get some stuff...
I retrieved my laptop.. my cell.. and a blanket..
When I returned he was waiting.. definitely not sleeping.....
So, here I sit... or rather lay.... on the surprisingly comfy carpet of my youngest brother's bedroom.. blogging about my unfortunate circumstances... while Brian.... the cause of it all.. laughs and plays guitar down the hall with his buddy.
Being the "Big Sis" is a tough job.

Just a Thought

Sometimes I think I get too caught up in the mundane and forget to see the extraodinary.

This morning I was reading the book of Samuel and I cannot describe how Hannah makes me feel. I used to think, 'Wow, she is a tough woman to give her only (that she expected, anyway) son to the Lord, only to visit him once a year.' Now, I do not have any children but I know that I would have a lot of trouble giving up my child. I have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that Jon is growing up so fast. It's ridiculous how much he doesn't need me. Today I noticed that she has an even bigger story that just being a self-less mother. Hannah loved God. She trusted God. I sometimes have a hard time trusting others... I am not sure why.. and I think I have abandonment issues. I put up walls and I refuse to get close to others. No, I take that back-- I refuse to get close to men. It is hard for me to admit that but it is true. So, maybe, somewhere in the back of my mind I have let that affect my relationship with God too. I know that God loves me and cares for me but I mean, would I give my child to God? I think so. If there is anyone I can trust, it's Him.
Hannah prayed, gave her problem to God, and then she got up... and went home. Just like that. And to make this story even better, God granted her deepest desire-- and that was a son, a son to give back to Him. I have never in my life wanted anything as much as I want to be loved by God. And not just loved but embraced and spoken to. I want God to be my very, very best friend. I want God to be my husband. My confidant. My comforter. That is my deepest desire.

Eli told Hannah to "go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have asked of Him." (1 Sam. 1:17).
"Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

My petition and desire is Him. Day after Day I grow in my intensity for Him.

And while I am finding this in Him, I am learning that sometimes trust is a step into the unknown... I can learn to trust others because God isn't my earthly father and every man isn't my dad. God is the only Father that can effect my life and change it. And honestly, that makes me want to mend every broken bridge with my dad.

You know, I thought that when my parents divorced that I was no longer a daddy's girl.. funny thing is.. God just decided to step in and take over. And it's so much better.

Christmas Break... :sighs:

I have been wanting for blog for a few days now but I really haven't had anything of import to write. I guess I still don't but I did have a great Thanksgiving with my family. I made lemon cake to take to family dinner at my Grandma's. I should have made two- I had forgotten that it is the preferred cake of my family. I personally think it's great that it is the family favorite.... at least we have that in common. I had planned on having a little Thanksgiving/Christmas party at my apartment before I went home for break but it looks like it's not going to work out after all. I am somewhat sad about that. However, I plan on making a fantastic green bean casserole for Christmas dinner. My dad has had bad experiences with those though... However, he would never refuse to try MY casserole. Besides, I kind of blackmailed him.... he gets lemon cake only if he tries my casserole. I mean, just because you've had a bad experience doesn't mean you should discount it completely. My argument is that he could be missing out on the best casserole of his life by refusing mine.

I am so ready to relax and enjoy my break. Oh! I am going to Wheaton College (Wheaton, IL) in January to check out their graduate program. You see, I am going to be graduating early--in Fall of 2009. The graduate program that I want to do is counseling ministries. If I get into the program it would mean moving to Illinois. Now, Wheaton is a fairly good size city on it's own--the biggest I will have lived in. However, 25 miles north of Wheaton, sits Chicago. Yes, the little southern girl will be moving to North and into a suburb of Chicago.

Don't worry-- I am definitely praying about everything before I make any big decisions.

I Will Waste My Life

I found this song today... and it completely describes what I want with Jesus... this is the relationship I want. I know sometimes people do not like lyrics posted on blogs... but this... wow..

I Will Waste My Life by Misty Edwards

I will waste my life,
I'll be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
Just to find I'm at your feet,
Let me find I'm at your feet.

I leave my father's house, and
I leave my Mother.
I leave all I have known, and
I'll have no other.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.

I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I
Press on, yes I press on.
I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I press on, yes I press on.

For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
just let me cling to you, Jesus,
I want to cling to you...

Cell phones and Novels and the Bible

When someone asks me what my favorite book is I always answer, "Pride and Prejudice." It is an automatic, compulsive thing. I was thinking today that I want my Bible to be my favorite book. I want it to the first book that I think of. I want the mere mention of it to make me pull it out and start reading it.

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook and I have to admit, I need to work on this.

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat
our cell phones?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
This is something to make you go .hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't ever
have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus
already paid the bill! Makes you stop & think "where are my priorities?"

And no dropped calls!

Don't Get Comfortable

BRANDON HEATH LYRICS - DON’T GET COMFORTABLE

Na na na na na na na na nanaaah
Na na na na na na na na nanaaah

Comfortable, don’t get comfortable.
I am gonna’ move this mountain then I’m gonna move you in.

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now; you’re standing on the edge.
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.

I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

So afraid but you don’t have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I’ll remain
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you’ll find me every time.

So I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna’ love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

Na na na na na na na na nanaaah
Na na na na na na na na nanaaah

Can you feel the call of love?
Is it moving you to be a child of God of love?
Is it reaching you?
It’s everywhere the call of love.

I just want to show you what I mean
I just want to love like you’ve never seen
Do you want to live like you used to dream?
Then I’ve got a song for you

Coz I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna’ love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

Na na na na na na na na nanaah

You’ve got a new song

Na na na na na na na na nanaa



I love this song! It is such a powerful song. I just love Brandon Heath!

Advent Conspiracy

Let's do this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

Jesus is My Cup of Tea

I thought I would mention this as an fyi to Jessy: John may be on to something about the whole marriage thing. Not because you shouldn't ever get married early but because of statistics. According to research, men are less likely to be mature enough for marriage before the age of 25. And marriages of men younger than that have a tendency to be self centered and friction filled. Of course, I do not know the age for women and can't really give you a number on that one. I am sure it is younger, considering that women mature much earlier than men. This is something that I learned in my stats class last year.


Moving on, I am really excited about being a Christian. I know, I bet you are thinking, 'Hasn't Roxie been a Christian since she was nine? And furthermore, raised in church her whole life?'
It doesn't matter how long I have been doing "church," what matters is my heart and my relationship with Christ. And lately I have been struggling. Not so much in my love for Jesus, I know that I love Him more than anyone else, but for my passion as a Christian.
I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like I had nothing left to give. I want to be passionate about serving others, I want to be excited and exhilarated at the thought of spreading the gospel. I just want to love others.
When I think about the things that I love, the people that I love, I know that I would do make tremendous sacrifices for them... and I have realized recently that I feel the same about Christ... there is nothing that I wouldn't do for Him.
It is exciting and fresh. I am so excited because I realize, perhaps for the first time, that being a Christian is a privilege.... it's not something that I do because I feel like it, or was raised into it, I do it because loving Jesus and working for the kingdom are the most important things to my being here on this earth.

Finals

The semester is ending so things are getting a little more hectic. I keep running around in circles and accomplishing nothing. It baffles me that I can get so distracted. I have several papers to write but the inspiration and wit are just not there. I need prayer, friends. Mostly, prayer that I get a more focused attention span. Mainly a focus on my studies.. although meaningful hang out sessions (where I actually know what is being said to me) would be nice too.

Books, Books, Books!

It has been one exciting day. Well, not really exciting BUT I did go to smoothie king after my work out today and I felt refreshed from my amazing smoothie. I really to purchase a blender, that would be the icing to end this year... include a toaster and I am set. I wonder if I can convince my family to get me those for Christmas? It is worth a try I suppose. I have now accumulated enough books that I need to purchase another bookshelf.. I have some books in my closet and others down stairs on Sierra's shelf. My big shelf is full and there are books stacked randomly on every shelf due to the lack of space shelf for them. So, I guess it is time to buy another shelf, especially since Sierra is moving out at the end of the semester and taking her shelf with her... that means there will be (roughly) twenty books from that shelf plus about forty more that need a place. :Sighs: I love my books and I will not sell them until I am starving... which could, you know, be anytime. My priorities are books first then food... that is not a healthy habit.
I haven't bought a book in ages.... I am trying this new thing called the "library" .... it is not exactly my preferred method of acquiring books.... I like to keep the books I have read and it irks me when I remember scenes from a book I have read but can't remember the title. If I owned it, I would know it, hands down, no question. But it drives me crazy to dream entire books out, remember their names, time period of the book, and location but NOT know the name and author! I do this all the time and it hurts my heart. One time I reread a book and got some serious deja vu before I realized I had read it before.
Anyway, a friend got me an amazon gift card for my birthday and I used it. I have a new book coming in the mail and I can not wait until it gets here.

Election 2008

Well, we have a new President now... 

I can't say I am surprised. I will say that I voted for McCain. I am really sad. However, I am confident that God is going to work everything for His good. So, I am not going to freak out about this. McCain is very respectful and did not bash on Obama and that speaks for his integrity. it is a historical election and I hope very much that Obama is a great President. Only God can take care of America and I am putting my trust in Him and no man. 

Is It Samson, Or Is It Thor?

So, tomorrow I am going to be teaching my Sunday school about Samson. And honestly, I have always pictured Samson as a "Thor" type of man. I know, why in the world would I put those two together as the same man? Well, I have no one idea.

Regardless I am so excited about tomorrow because I am taking a (Hannah Montana) wig to use as Samson's hair. Let's just hope that this works out well.

My family has a play at their church tonight and I couldn't get up there to see them. Sadness. Tomorrow I have so much to accomplish. The good news is that I might be going to the book store in a bit, which is a huge incentive to last the evening out. :)

North and South

I am reading a novel called North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell. No, it is not a modern day piece of fiction without morals or values as you would expect of today's authors. This book was written in 1855 so it is full of gentlemen and ladies who want to help those less fortunate and helpless. I am quite in love with this book because the author was the daughter of a minister and was taught to be benevolent and she was educated by her relations. So, all in all it is completely well rounded. The hero in the book is incredible and he really doesn't do what most would term heroic. He takes care of his mother and provides for her, works extremely hard, and falls in love with the heroine. Pretty normal stuff. But completely wonderful and honorable all the same. It is the depth of his love for her that really touched me. The hero, John Thornton, falls in love with Margaret Hale, the daughter of a minister. He respects her and her opinion on all matters. It is quite fantastic. I have not finished the book as of yet but I feel that it will be soon that I will. I have, of course, watched the movie version and liked it immensely. (However, I usually do not watch the movie first but I had no idea at the time that it was based off a novel)

The image is from the popular BBC version (which I HIGHLY recommend).

Living on Magnolia Ave

I am sitting in my room eating popcorn and drinking apple juice. The truth is, orange juice is my favorite but it was more expensive... hence the apple. I look around my apartment and notice all the things that don't match or make sense as part of the decor and I realize that all the odd, mismatched furniture is what makes my apartment home. Almost all of the furniture in our living room belongs to me but none of it matches. We have a red moon chair, a mahogany entertainment center, two light brown bookshelves, a white and pink-ish couch, two black end-tables, a hunter green quilt rack, and a black futon. (Next on my list is a circular rug for the center). It's funny how I never planned to have such add furnishings in my home but somehow it just happened. Growing up I always planned to have the matching couches and tables and curtains... but now I think that it would be crazy boring if I did! Now, I am not knocking coordination- my mother has the matching theme in her house. And it looks fantastic.
I just like that my little home reflects me (and thankfully my roommates as well) and how I view life-- this crazy mess that we navigate daily and TRY to understand.
Plus, when I make my tea in the evenings I like to sit in my moon chair with a book from my shelf.... If everything matched I wouldn't have that comfortable chair or relaxed atmosphere to enjoy.
Go random-ness!
So, recap:
I love my apartment... and I love my roommates. :)
p.s.
I was just talking to my mother on the phone a moment ago and I yawned... and then she yawned.... I guess that yawns are even contagious across the miles via telephone!

Medulla Oblongata

Right now I am studying in the library at school. I am enjoying the quiet atmosphere and really calming myself down after the events of today. I really enjoy Lee University mostly because of it's gorgeous campus. Yes, I love the people but what really drew me to this school in the first place was it's beautiful greenery. So, as you can guess, fall is my favorite time on campus. The leaves are turning colors and the two trees in my yard are full of yellow and red leaves. I really want to climb the one tree outside my window. It is gorgeous! However, I haven't climbed a tree since I was about fourteen or so... it will definitely be an adventure to see if I can still do it!
Of course you may hear that I have seriously injured myself trying to do it.
I will keep you updated on that!
On another note: I am still looking for a part time job and I am not having much luck. It is starting to become a nuisance. I don't think I am the type of person to take time off. I thought it would be a good idea when I started out this semester but now I am just bored and ready to work again.
I just noticed that I have spent all my time in the library doing a million things other than studying.
Oh well, it was nice and peaceful in here anyway!

p.s. I was reading in my Biology class the other day and have decided that the Medulla Oblongata is my favorite part of the brain because it is the Respiratory control center. Yes, thank your Medulla Oblongata the next time you breath, folks!

I Have the Most Amazing Bed

Longest Day Ever. I had an eight o'clock class with a quiz, a nine o'clock class with an exam, an twelve o'clock with a paper due, a one o'clock lab where I watched two women give birth (still sick to my stomach over that one), and a three o'clock class. I was non stop all day- same every Wednesday. However, today was just especially long because I pulled a late night of studying (for that exam on at nine).
Today has been pretty amazing though. I went to a flag football game to watch my roommates play.
I really had something really awesome to blog about but I got distracted (as usual). I really need to do something about all this rabbit trailing I do when I am thinking aloud or conversing with others. Actually, I even do it when I am journaling. Do you know anyone who rabbit trails while journaling? Apparently I can't even focus when expressing my thoughts through written words.
Well, until next time
p.s. my bed pretty much is incredible. I am currently sitting on it while typing and that is how my title was born. Actually, I think I am going to sleep now.
Life is so simple when you think about it. Or rather it is simple when you don' think about it. When you do focus all your attention on it's woes...well, that is when you get overwhelmed...
Rabbit trails.. Did you notice?
Wrapping it up..
Later!

Sometimes Being Stubborn And Independent Can Be A Hindrance

I am keep thinking that one day I am going to wake up and know exactly what I want to to for the rest of my life and how to accomplish this goal. You see, right now I am double majoring in Psychology and Early Childhood Education. I don't know if I even WANT to be a teacher. I only know that I love working with children. But more than that, I care about injustice to children- I want to be a part of protecting children from those who would hurt them. I am not sure if teaching is what I should be doing. What if it is something else? This is why I am double majoring. I can do ANYTHING with my life. Anything.
The funny thing is that I have finally given my life up to God to run it the way he sees fit. So, if God decides I will become a sales lady at JC Penny then that is what I will do. If he told me to give up school and move to Africa- well, that is what I would do. I suppose if he asked me to never work and stay at home I could do that too. (Even now I cringe at the thought)
The point is that I think I am finally ready to accept that God runs my life. He has plans for me and that I should be willing to use all of my gifts to honor him.

And Suddenly the world looks brighter.
However, there is still the question of what to do about my Ed. major.

Lots of Random Thoughts and Preferences

It's Fall Break! I have been living it up I promise! I love my quiet apartment and my even more quiet campus. It is almost silent and my noisy neighbors are gone too. Finally, I can actually relax and enjoy life. Other than catching up on my reading,I have actually been getting out of my apartment. I have been working out this semester and I enjoy it immensely. I never should have stopped doing it. Let's see, I am a huge fan of smoothies.... blueberry heaven is the way to go-- I recommend it to anyone interested in trying a smoothie...
Later I may venture into Chattanooga with CeCe and Cassondra. I have no idea what we will do once we get there. By the way, I hd to go buy some floss last night and decided to chance it and try a new thing. Well, I bought this floss brush by reach and it is incredible. It makes it so easy to reach the back teeth ( I know, I am pleased by th little things-- my friends mention it often).
By the way, I am experimenting with some vegitarian dinners... would anyone like to brave this new world with me? Lol. (Come on, Jessie..haha)
Well, I have an appointment- later!

Procrastinating

Early this evening I decided that I should begin my homework-- you know, be a productive student and actually act as if I deserve my Government aid! I know, I know it is my duty to be zealous in my studies. Regardless, I have a lot of stuff to accomplish tonight. I especially need to study for my exam that is on Monday night. Tomorrow afternoon I intend on going home (maybe) to see my family. I really miss them.
Besides this, I am really just enjoying being here in my apartment alone this weekend. I'm not going to lie... I was a little nervous about it in the beginning. However, in the end, my stubborn streak came out and I survived. LOL
I really wanted to Blog to say something great and profound... this usually happens after I get an emotional high (which doesn't happen that often). I watched While You Were Sleeping tonight. It is a crazy emotional movie that gets me going every time, kind of like Sleepless in Seattle. I always want to write out my emotion afterwards...
And sometimes I cry. And it's not always because of a love story... no, sometimes it's a comedy....or a tragedy... or even a sci-fi movie. For instance.... I cried in Madagascar. Why would someone cry in a comedic cartoon you may ask? Or, I cried in Star Wars 3. And relationally, I also learned to despise Anakin in that movie as well. Those poor little padawans. I will never forgive Him for that. Poor Padme!

Anyway, those kinds of things seem to bring the emotions out in me. lol
I had a great evening... except for the fact that Tennessee LOST to GEORGIA!!!!

Goodbye USA, Hello Japan?

I have decided to keep my Psychology major and possibly stay only a semester longer at Lee.... However, I might be going to Japan this June to get a couple of Psych class credits...

I am going crazy with the excitement of the possibility! I'll keep the blog posted with updates and thoughts...

Now I've just got to make sure I will have the money to do it!
Keep me in your prayers!
Roxie

Change Isn't Always A Bad Thing

Well, my life is interesting to say the least. I think I will just leave it at that. I can't tell you how much I miss my MDT friends. It is really disappointing that we don't seem to have that much in common anymore. I know that I have changed a lot in the past year and most of those changes happened while I have been away from them. I can say that I am now a more confident person and independent person than I was before. And I know not to settle for less than God's best- which is kind of incredible!
However, this does not mean that I don't want to continue to work on those relationships with my MDT friends- actually I think this gives us a better opportunity to grow as friends and as Christians. Maybe together we can learn what this "Christian life" is all about. I know I don't know how to do it all. Maybe we could be an encouragement to each other... and actually PRAY for one another. Huge concept there.
Well, big Mid-term tomorrow and convocation is ending in the morning... it has been an interesting one to say the least.

Pulling My Hair Out!

Today has officially been one of the longest of my life. And it's not over yet! It's five pm now but I have to go to convocation at 7 pm. I have been going and going since 7:00 am this morning. :Sighs: I just neede to get that out. Phew! I feel better already.
Well, I have lots of homework to accomplish in the next two hours....
I will be blogging about something more meaningful next time... hopefully!

Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?


Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see


Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
Hes out of work
Hes buying time
are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?


Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all along

Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath


Somehow in the midst of school and Ukraine and life, I missed this song coming out. But wouldn't you know that this song describes everything I have been feeling for months now? God has been showing me little by little what he wants from me. What I need to be doing for Him. How could I never see what was right in front of me?
I want to love people they way He wants me to. Not superficiallly, not half-heartedly. Completely and fully love people. So many people are hurting....
I want to start over and show others that God loves them, that God wants them in His family. My prayer is that God never lets my heart become cold and distant towards His people.

My prayer is that God will give me His eyes. Give me a heart for those who are hurting. Those are alone. Those that have no one.

What! Is that Wilbur?!

Today was week two of my pig dissection... not exactly the highlight of my week. However, I realized that once I let myself become immersed in my task... Well, I forgot that I had my hands inside a dead baby pig. Instead I got to really take a look at some very vital organs and really understand the body. Since the human body much resembles the pigs body... it was a very good comparison.

We named our pig Bianca. Yes, she is a girl. I was really wanting a boy but it didn't work out. If she had been boy.... I wanted to name her Reginald. Such a noble pig name, don't you think?

Anyway, I am sure that I will never quite see bacon the same way again.

Not that I am a fan of pig foods anyway.

Moving on... today my apartment got cable... and all of a sudden, my little apartment felt like a real home. I think it was that in combination with the last couple of things we added to our living room... like the entertainment center. That was a great addition... and we were finally able to take the tv off of that little table.

Now all we have to do is hang some things on the walls... it is really bare and makes me feel like I live in an institution...or at least a place that doesn't allow things on the walls... which isn't at all inviting.

Tomorrow I have an exam... I should be studying for that.

September 29th 1988- The Beginning of the girl called Roxie

Well, today is my twentieth birthday. I have been waiting for this one for a while. Funny, I feel as though a cloak of responsibility has sat down upon my shoulders since 12:00 am this morning. All of a sudden, I can't use the excuse that I am too young anymore. Blast! Well, it was a good one while it lasted. Haha.
I would really like to say that I have increased in maturity and grown into an "exceptional young woman" but the truth is, I have so much to learn about being a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a Christian.
I don't always make the right decisions and I do not always readily forgive. Sometimes I struggle with my feelings and make wrong choices. And I have embarrassed myself so many times that I can only hope that people don't remember it later.
I am learning about being confident and to love who I am. This hasn't always been so. Someday I hope to be a role model for my sisters, brothers, and even my niece and nephew. Right now I don't find myself a worthy one.
I guess this birthday has made me want to better myself. To be who God really and truly wants me to be. I want to look inside myself and see all the ugly, unholy and disgraceful things and to peruse them, recognize them and then ask God to make me clean.
I do not enjoy God's chastisement but I do know that it is essential.
My willful spirit and independence sometimes makes it difficult for me to ask for forgiveness when I do wrong but I know that I want to be able to do it in an instant.
Yes, I did do a lot of soul searching and quiet contemplation today. It probably wasn't the most exciting birthday but it was a fulfilling one.
I wonder what God will show me on my next one?

Huh.

I am studying for a Biology Exam tomorrow and one of the things that I have noticed is that boys seem to be at higher risks than girls for health problems. They weigh less when they are born and more likely to be premature. I don't understand why this is. In my Education classes I have also noticed that more males than females have disabilities.
Even during my time at Ludic (the autism school behind my Univesity), I have noticed that there are many more boys than girls.
I don't think there is a real explanation for it. It just puzzles me and interests me.

I Want To Be a God-Lover

I have been reading this young adult series for a couple of months now and I am really enjoying getting into it and honestly learning more and more about God. I want to be a God-Lover. To be so enveloped in Christ that He is my everything. This weekend I am going down to Atlanta to work in the inner-city government housing. I am so nervouse about it. I don't know how I am going to reach anyone. How can I make a difference? What can I do to show them that Jesus loves them so ?
The answer: Nothing. Only God can. Funny, I used to think I was supposed to convert the earth and make them see him somehow. I now know that I can only serve God and watch God come out of me and affect others. This means that I have to guard my heart, my thoughts, my actions... I have to live fully and wholly for Jesus in all I do. I make mistakes and I will continue to for my whole life... I am not Jesus- He is the perfect one... But thank God that He sent His son to die for me so many years ago.
To be like Jesus... what a concept... I hope to someday attain even a grain of His goodness.

I Might Go to Ireland?

I have been thinking that I might go to Ireland this summer. It's ten days. And I didn't get to go to that part of Europe this past summer... I am really trying to figure expenses in my head and decide if it's appropriate... The thing is, when will I ever have to opportunity to go on trips like this ever again? When I graduate, I have to put my money and time elsewhere. And someday I might have a family and that will lessen the likelihood of going back even more. I really want to do this. Plus, I have ancestors from Ireland...

And it's so green...

And beautiful...

Ahhhh!

Hats off to Esther Libbey

Since joining the world of bloggers, I have noticed that I am less stressed. I wonder why this is? Not only do I do this "blog thing" but I actively journal. I have done this for years and my old entries are full of laments about being misunderstood and emotionally abused by my family- I was such a dramatic child. I can hear the injured feelings and hurt pride in those journals and feel the pain afresh. Even to this day. At twelve years old one can hardly be expected to understand this crazy thing we call life. I sure did not.
One of the major things I discovered was that my journals show a change in social interaction and you can see it in my writing style and language. And I will tell you why.
I started attending this church, some of you many know it, called Miracle Deliverance Tabernacle. It was this small church back in the wilderness and I did not want to be there. Funny thing happened though.
I met Esther Libbey.
I think she may have saw me as a project or some kind of lost cause that she wanted to take up but regardless- She decided I needed social interaction. I had been at the church for a year when her family started attending full-time. I really didn't speak to anyone.
I can remember pretty vividly when I became friends with the other teens and how much I kind of blossomed under their laughter and odd wit. (Sorry guys, I don't really know how to explain your jokes!)
Now, I can be friends with anyone and I can talk to anyone (almost anyone). I love people and I love helping others. However, I wonders sometimes if I would have done any of things things I have done if it hadn't been for the forced interaction that she made me endure. Yes, I say endure because I would go home exhausted from just trying to make friends- it was really tough for me to overcome my aloofness and loner tendencies. But I just wanted to write this blog as a sort of tribute of thanks to my very good friend, Esther. Thanks for rocking my boat and making me hang out. It probably saved my life.
One question to leave you with:
What has God been asking you do that you have felt reluctant to accomplish? Reaching out to someone may seem burdensome or frightening but what will the outcome be if you ignore his prodding?

Search Me, O God and Know My Heart

So, I'm lounging in my apartment, drinking some hot, delicious tea and thinking about relationships. We're at an age that is full of so many possibilities....yet most people are more concerned about what their crush might think of them. It makes me so sad to think that people are starving and dying and that people my age aren't concerned about them. What does that say about us?!

I mean, when did a guy become more important than compassion and friendships? I don't want to be like that and I hope that someday when I actually do find someone I want to be with that He will be a friend first and foremost... (I have never understood meeting someone and dating them without really knowing them). And that I won't forget about helping people and furthering the Kingdom of Christ. Because if that's the case, I don't want to meet anyone. I would rather work for God the rest of my life alone than to find someone that doesn't want to help me help others.

Other than this revelation I had this morning while perusing the blogs of my friends, I do not really have much to report.

Except- Does anyone know where I can find a mother with a child age Newborn-8 that I can use for my assessment class? If so, please let me know!

(It sounds rather like a sales pitch or something doesn't it?)

Well, adios my fellow bloggers!

Well, I asked for it!

Isn't God just incredible? Last night I went out to find a quiet spot for some much needed Roxie and Jesus time... Well, wouldn't you know that God showed me how ridiculous I am? Some time ago I started praying that God would make me less materialistic... kind of like Paul.. I had a specific phrase that really struck something inside of me.. The following is a paraphrase: I have learned to be content in any situation.. whether I be in want or have plenty....
As I was pouring out my woes to the heavenly Father He gently reminded me that He was just teaching me what I had wanted to learn.
Yes, I asked God to live a more simplistic life... and He gave it to me..
So, Roxie here. Learning to trust God and be a more resourceful woman.. Realizing that when you ask God to teach you something... well, He does.

When life gives you lemons...

I am finding out what it is to be that poor college student. You know, the one that looks forward to tap water and ramen for dinner. Oh yes, this is me. Not that I can really complain. My parents help me out when they can but since they are generous and take care of so many people- it's not always an easy thing for them to do.

I got a ticket today for not registering my car on campus- I couldn't afford to do it. Now, I have to pay for the ticket plus the registration sticker. Mark gave me some money last week and I was so excited... made a hundred plans to make it last forever.. however, I didn't count on the ethernet cable, the ticket, the registration sticker, and my $50 dollar background check that I have to pay for within the week. Oh, did I mention that my bike tires are completely flat?! I think they are busted.. so I guess I have to buy new tires too.
:SIGHS:

When did life get so complicated? Why did I think I could be a grown-up? How come I can't find a job? What am I going to do about that ticket!?!

Well, first off- I am going to pray. (It's such an obvious assertion)
Second, I am a tough girl.. I can do this.

Besides, God closes a door (that job I almost had last week..) and opens a window...

For the first time in my life, God has complete control. I am not fighting anymore. I can't always take care of myself but I am asking God's guidance and I am giving him my trust.

So, I guess I am going to take those nasty, sour lemons and make lemonade... or in my case- Use them to sweeten my tap water!!! :)

Are you still alive?

I miss my roommate. She got tapped into a Greek Club and they took her away last night. Of course I worried about her all night and into this morning. I can't wait until this weekend is over and I can see my friend again. No outside communication is allowed so I have no idea how she is coping. I feel like a mother.

My adorable Lemur

I am sitting in the Internet cafe of the Humanities building checking me email. I had previously mentioned my Internet situation and today I got the full brunt of the Internet-death that has pervaded my apartment.
I had an email from a professor.. I was supposed to go for a meeting with her today- but I had no idea! I stumbled into the Internet lab at about four p.m. half an hour after the ordained meeting was supposed to have taken place.
Hopefully we can reschedule!

Otherwise, life is great. My mom bought this adorable little stuffed Lemur while on her trip with Mark this past weekend. I love it! I am not a big fan of stuffed things, animals or no, and it came as quite a surprise that I am now attached to the little guy. Mom has affectionately named her Foxanne. I like it. Besides, Macey always calls me Foxanne and the little thing is quite adorable. And it whistles at me when I squeeze it. Just like my mother to give me something to give a confidence boast whenever I am down.... I think I am going to go press it now. Haha.

Living without the internet

I am falling apart. I do not have internet access in my apartment. It is supposed to be getting fixed sooner or later... I am hoping for sooner...
Life is pretty insane without internet to keep me going. Especially since I really need it to do my schoolwork. I finally found a little wireless signal over by the living room window.. and if I sit just right on the futon I can log on.
I am so hoping this gets fixed soon.

Living in My Wonderful Apartment!

I am safely and happily moved into my new apartment. I am really loving it and enjoying spending time alone downstairs in my adorable living room. I am quite pleased with my new home. I am hoping that it becomes a great haven for me over the next year. I know it's going to be pretty crazy this year in my classes and I am hoping to work too. Having my little apartment to come home to will be a great help to my sanity.
Besides, I think I am in love with just having an apartment to call home. :)

Last Minute Thoughts Before Turning In

I Just finished reading The Confession by Beverly Lewis. I am often amazed by the wonders of God and today was no exception. It is a firm belief of mine that there are just some writers that God has blessed with a gift that stirs the hearts of the readers. Not only causes their hearts to stir but draws them to Him. I often finish a Karen Kingsbury, Lori Wick, or a Beverly Lewis and desire- no yearn- for a closer walk with God. For a more intimate relationship with Him. I start classes next wednesday. My world is about to become extremely hectic and difficult- but I know that unless I invest time in Jesus, I will have nothing to show for it.

The song that is on my mind at this moment is Yearn by Shane & Shane.

Lord, I wanna yearn for you, I wanna burn with passion- over you, and only you....

I am so in awe of my creator.

Why Can't Life Be Like a Jane Austen Novel?

Why can't life be like a Jane Austen novel? I mean, she makes romance seem so wonderful. The hero is always so gallant and true. Never deceitful and always incredibly magnificent. The heroine is beautiful, charming, gracious and the object of every man's ardent affection. And then she marries the most noble and honorable man in the story. Every time I read one of her novels I sigh. I just fall completely apart with this strange longing. I am too young to be wanting this kind of forever. Jane Austen is a wonderful author, but sometimes I wonder at my sanity for reading her books. I just finished watching the movie adaptation of Northanger Abbey and Persuasion.

However, Jane Austen will remain my favorite author for always.

Seven Days

I am so excited that in a couple of days I will be back in Cleveland, back at my school again. Four semesters of college left. Where did all the time go? I keep thinking that somehow I will make things better this year. I will study harder, volunteer more, be a better friend. But honestly I don't know what will happen this year.
I know that I need to pray and seek God in everything. I was reading one of my favorite pieces of scripture last night and two things popped out at me.
Pray contunually
Test everything, hold on to the good.
I am going to try to follow this completely this year and really work on being all that God has called me to be for him.
I know that I am not perfect and never will be. I am human and I let my flesh overwhelm what I know to be right at times.

On another note, I will be moving into my apartment in less than seven days! I can't wait to meet my new suitemate Amy and to see Alyse and Sierra again. Sierra will be here tomorrow! She has graciously decided to spent some time at my house before heading to Cleveland.

Basically, life is going great at the moment. :)

Sigh

Today I was standing in line at the Wal-mart buying my Better Homes and Gardens magazine, as I do every month, when the lady in front of me said, "Oh great, the college kids are back."
And then I realized that I had to be the oddest college student in the world. I mean, seriously guys, I came into Wal-mart and bought Better Homes and Gardens instead of well, whatever the biggest young adult magazine is these days. I think it's official that I am an old soul.
I can't wait until I finish college so I can buy myself an old house- maybe a bungalow or a small cottage- and fill it with my books and antiques! I really want to move to that phase of my life. College is great and I enjoy it but I want to security and safety of my own home. I just want to live by myself and not share a bathroom. Someday I will have that- all of it.
But until then, I think I will continue to mark my favorite designs in my BH&G. :)

Untitled

I got my computer through Fed-Ex today! I had almost given up... I didn't think that they ran their trucks after five pm... well, it came at like eight and I am so stoked to have it! My new glasses are also in and I will pick them up tomorrow, probably early morning. The sad thing is I think I might have made my mom feel like I didn't appreciate the laptop that her and Mark bought me when I graduated highschool. I really do love it to death... it just doesn't perform right anymore. Well, it didn't until a couple of days ago.. it seems that Mark may have fixed it, which makes me feel really bad. However, I am paying for this laptop on my own so I guess that settles it somewhat.
I can't wait to move into the new apartment! I think I will be the last to move in.. Alyse is already there, CeCe goes back on the 13th, Amy moves in on the 15th and myself on the 17th. My freshmen year roommie Cassondra is coming back to Lee! I am so excited about this- and the fact that she is going to go to church with me as well. I, myself, cannot wait to get back to Cleveland so I can attend MDT again. I miss going there full-time.

Just Thinking About Life

Last night I read a book called Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck. It was awesome. Of course I was sad when I finished it. As always I enjoyed the book too fast. Next book I will savor every page, each sentence. Read at a soft, slow pace. I hope to someday own a bookstore of my very own. It will probably not happen but it would be incredible if I could do it.
I saw this amazing little cupboard at the Habitat store. It was very old and authentic. I loved it. Sadly I have no money to purchase it and my parents felt that they should buy me shoes instead of the cupboard. I'm not complaining. Really. But since y'all know me pretty well you understand where my priorities lie. Considering I pretty much have had the same shoes for three or more years. I'm not kidding. I mean who needs new clothes when they have books and cool, antique cupboards? See my point?

Anyway, I finished registering for classes today. I am now the proud student who can claim six classes and three labs a week. Oh kill joy. No, I refuse to get pessimistic about my classes! Jesus wouldn't want it! I will be brave and enjoy my classes to the fullest!
Besides, the sooner I am at school the sooner I can see my new roomies and my new apartment! Things are looking up!
:)

Oscar.. the cannibalistic fish

Actually, he isn't named Oscar. I don't know if Jon has named them yet. Yes, there are Two! Jonathan bought two Oscar fish today. Apparently they are like pariah and eat other fish. Scary if you ask me. To be quite honest I am terrified of fish and having fish in the house that eat the innocent goldfish types for dinner.. doesn't quite sit well with me. And the orange one is always staring at me. Like he wants to taste my flesh. Yes, he only got him today but I have been keeping my eye on the little monsters.
I was somewhat concerned so I googled this "oscar" on the net. Apparently the oscar is the most intelligent of fish. Like a real pet! He knows the face of his owner and will even interact. Kind of creepy if you ask me. I know I am going to have nightmares that he is watching me tonight. One time I had a fish attack me. This has obviously scarred me for life. I keep thinking this murdering fish is going to come chew my hand off. Or worse.

On a lighter note, Jonathan thinks they are absolutely fantastic.

Cosmopolitan Pink

So, I did this cool thing today. I tried to order a laptop off the Internet. Since I am paying with two different methods, they have to call me to finish it up. However, I am not deterred from my goal. I will own a new laptop! So, beware Sony! I will be awaiting your call! Did I mention that it is pink!   Okay, so moving on. Breaking dawn comes out in eight days. Eight days! Allison and I are eagerly awaiting its arrival! And CeCe is too of course. Once it comes life will once again be sane... But then we will be going crazy waiting for the movie!!!! 

Hope of Life Ministries

Hope of Life ministries in Guatemala was founded by Carlos Vargas. I had to privilege to be a part of a Leadership conference he spoke at during my Fall 2007semester at Lee University. I have included a link below if anyone would be interested in checking it out for themselves. I hope to go down to his orphanage myself in the Fall. Hope of Life ministries accepts volunteers. If you are interested in this, it would be a great blessing for these people.

The Telephone

"When I was just as far as I could walk from here today
There was an hour
All still
When leaning with my head against a flower I heard you talk.
Don't say I didn't, for I heard you say-
You spoke from that flower on the windowsill-
Do you remember what it was you said?"
"First tell what it was you thought you heard."
"Having found the flower and driven a bee away,
I leaned my head,
And holding by the stalk,I listened
and I thought I caught the word-What was it?
Did you call me by my name?
Or did you say-
Someone said, 'Come'- I heard it as I bowed."
"I may have thought as much, but not aloud."
"Well, so I came."- Robert Frost (1916)


I love this poem. The man wants to apologize to the woman he loves for something he said.. but he doesn't want to come right out and say it. He uses a flower to apologize to her. Of course, she isn't all innocent and most likely said her own choice of words. It's reconciliation. I love it!

The DVD

Today I watched a DVD of my pappaw that was taken a year before he died. He was being goofy and hollering like he always did. It has been a month and three days since he died. And I miss him. On the DVD he put on one of the grandkids veggietales hats and made funny faces at the camera. He was such a fun and wonderful man. I miss him so much. The DVD was taken back before the pain and the blackouts began, before he knew he was going to die. You see, he died in a car accident but he knew he was going to die before it happened. I guess some people know these things. They know intuitively that their time is up. My pap was one of those people. He told everyone that he loved them and tried to spend time with everyone before he died. Except me. I was in Ukraine. I saw him as soon as I got back from my trip. BUT it was only for a few minutes and I never did see my granpa again. I came by on fathers day, the day before he died, but he wasn't home. The fact that I haven't been around much since I went to school doesn't escape my notice and I grieve because of that lost time. He was my favorite person in the whole world. He was so proud of me for going to school and making something of myself. My family has told me that he talked about me all the time. Bragged on me to everyone. I can't believe that he is gone. He was so young. He was sixty-eight. Hardly old enough to worrying about leaving this world. I miss him! I want him back but I will never see him again. Not until I go be with him in heaven. I miss his jokes. I miss his hugs. I just miss him.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." -C.S. Lewis


I am rereading a book by Joshua Harris called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It is incredible! I think that I have been using my time as a single young adult in all the wrong ways. No, I haven't been pining and hoping to be in a relationship- actually, it's the last thing I want right now. However, there are so many things that I can do with this time for the kingdom of God. It's ridiculous that I haven't realized this before and now that I have, I am disappointed in all the time that I have wasted doing- what? Watching too many movies and sleeping in late on Saturdays? Hardly the noble things of God.
In April, I volunteered at a soup kitchen in Cleveland. Those people are part of the kingdom. I remember telling myself that I wanted to come back and do this again. I wanted to give some amount of hope to these lost souls. To help them find Christ. I never did.
The Bible tells us to watch over the widows and the orphans. There were many there. There were men there who do not know the love of Christ. Who probably did not know the love of another human being. And children who probably feared their mothers more than respected or loved them. And I'm thinking, What have I done to help these people? Absolutely nothing! The amount of money I spend on myself is probably more money than they have seen on months.
I am looking at myself and seeing so many flaws, so many things that I must fix before I can be anything like what God expects of me. I should be using my time to spark a new flame of hope inside the hearts of those who have nothing left.
I may not be a teen statistic- I may not have a baby that I had in high school or a dropout. BUT I am in no position to say that I am living the way that God wants me to live. Saying that I am a Christian and doing absolutely nothing to help the community or my fellow brethren does not show me as the chosen bride of Christ. Instead, it shows how self-righteous and hypocritical I really am.

I am not writing this to anyone but myself. I know what I need to do to be who God has called me to be.

Going to Ukraine and learning that God is not a priority and teen pregnancies are encouraged. To find that marriage is almost unheard of and that having sex as a teenager is unquestionably accepted as the norm is not okay. Looking around me I find that even as young adult Christian men and women we are flirting with all the same boundaries yet we do not even see it.
What makes us different? What do nonChristians see when they look at us?

I do not think we would like what we hear most of the time.

And I do not think that I can be this way any longer. I think that its time to start working for the kingdom and bringing others into his Glory.

Inconceivable

Ibelieve that I may be technologically illiterate. This is unfortunate and quite sad considering I took Computer Literacy two semesters ago in college. I had just finished the most amazing blog about my discoveries yesterday in my Bible study when the computer did some weird clicky thing and I lost everything I had just wrote! I tried to recover it. You know, press go back or whatever but alas, I did not succeed.

Another thing, my laptop does a lot of weird stuff. My clickers don't work on the mouse pad anymore and it randomly shuts itself off. I promise that I did nothing to antagonize my precious computer but honestly, what am I supposed to do about it? Everyday I fear that it will turn off for the last time. It always works fine for Mark. Maybe it's me. I can't wear watches because of some component in my blood that stops time. It's ridiculous... but maybe, just maybe it's all connected somehow!

I really don't have much to say about my day. I really didn't do much. Unless you count taking down some soap scum.. because I totally kicked some house cleaning butt today! I feel rather proud of myself and want to dance a little jig. Of course, my dance skills are rather wack and I tend to hurt myself when dancing. I am definitely the dance queen!

I had the perfect cup of tea today. Irish Breakfast Tea is my absolute favorite tea on the planet and I enjoyed a nice cup of love on the front porch this morning.

Have you ever seen Princess Bride? It is pretty much the best movie ever. Favorite line of the whole movie "Hallo, my name is Inigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to Die."

He says it about a hundred times in the movie. It's pretty much hilarious. Or the famous "Inconceivable!" line. Ah, I think I will watch that movie tomorrow.

Did mention that I got married? Yes, CeCe and Lins were quite upset that I "beat" them to the altar. I may look happy in the picture but on the inside I am screaming for help! I mean, who is this man and how did I get here?!!!!

Premonition

So, I started writing a book a while back. I had written a few chapters but got caught up in school and never got to finish. Well, I got back from Ukraine at the end of May and pulled it out and started editing and working on it again. I had started to get really excited about it and finally got the nerve to tell someone what I was doing- I am normally very private about these things. Lindsay was really supportive and I was getting ready to maybe even show her my work. My life was turned upside down when we took a little trip to Wal-mart. We took a nice stroll over to the book section as usual and that is when I saw it. Yes, someone had already written my book! Every detail- her name, where her parents were from, everything! It was like a slap in the face. I yelled for Lindsay and she was completely shocked as well.
You see, this has happened before. Not with a book, but a movie. Since I was a kid I had the same dream over and over again. It was weird I had it every few months and it always had the same plot and details. One day I am sitting with my family when the new Sandra Bullock movie pops up. I literally choked on my soda and spit it out my nose simultaneously. Ever heard of Premonition? Uh-huh, that was my dream. Every last detail.
I started writing another book. I hope that I get it written before someone else does.

Back From Vacation

We just got back from vacation this morning. And I am so glad to be back! I keep thinking that I get used to sitting around and being bored. It never happens. When I get back to school, a job is the first thing on my agenda. I have read several books this summer. The most recent is called The Guy I'm Not Dating By Trish Perry. And the best part is that one of the other books I am reading by Joshua Harris is mentioned several times in the book.

If reading my little blog, I recommend this book. It is hilarious and definitely has some great moral lessons.

Thinking about the summer

Tomorrow I move out of my apartment. I am really sad about this because it means that I have to share a room with my little brother for the rest of the summer. I love my family but I know that this will mean that I have no where to go to be alone. And I really enjoy my alone time.
Good news is that Laura safely delivered her baby yesterday. Eight lbs of baby. Amazing. She named him David Christopher. I can't wait to see his adorable little face!

I really would enjoy having a job this summer. I would love to have one. But I know that getting one for the remainder of the summer will be close to impossible. The only good news is that I will be able to spend some quality time with my sisters. We haven't been able to hang out much this summer... considering I was in Ukraine in May and now school in June..
My one hope is that I do not go completely insane while at home. I mean, its just two months. Two whole months. This is one of the moments that has me wishing I had friends all over the country so I could just "pop" in for a little visit.
How am I going to survive? Ah!

Stephenie Meyer did this to me

I am an addict. I realized this today. I do not understand why I am so infatuated by Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. And the longer I wait for the final book to come out, the more frustrated I become. What is happening to me? I love books but I have never been one to mope and go crazy for a book to come out. I mean, I literally have become one of those people who count down the days for the book to come out. Forty days. I am going crazy! And then waiting for the movie has me going crazy too! December! That's a long way off. It better be true to the book or I will scream. And if Edward and Bella don't get up together forever in the final book- Breaking Dawn- I will go insane. Stephenie Meyer wouldn't do that, would she? I sincerely hope not, because if she doesn't keep them together, I will never read another one of her books. Ever. Do you believe me when I say that I am addicted? I dream about Edward. All the time. He is amazing and wonderful and I want him to be mine. So completely and fully that I want to throw away all my promises to myself to enjoy single life. I do enjoy it very much actually, but when I think of Edward... Oh, if he were real, I'd have a hard time controlling myself around him. I would probably be just like Bella... chasing after him with no regard to my own life. I told my sister Allison a few days back that Edward could bite me any time. And it is completely true. I guess the reason why I am blogging like this is because I reread Twilight today and fell in love with Edward all over again. And I am in my apartment alone and I am going crazy because I have no one to talk to about Edward. Seriously, I am surprised and pleased that Meyer kept him pure and his virtue intact. People need to see that. They need to see that being clean and without past lovers is a good thing to have when you come into marriage. This is another reason why I enjoy her books so much. And Bella and Edward struggle with staying pure, which is true with everyone, and I am pleased that her books are so real. Despite the fact that they are about vampires and werewolves. The question I keep asking myself is, What will I do when the books are finished? How will I move on? A friend of mine made the comment that Stephenie Meyer could take this series and continue it forever. I mean, think about, Edward has eternal life. And hopefully, Meyer will give Bella the same.
The only thing that could make this series better would be them somehow finding Jesus, finding redemption. Impossible as it may seem, I would like to think that they could be forgiven just as we are. Since vampires are not real, I guess it doesn't really matter in the whole scheme of things. It would be a nice thought however, and a great way to end the book. But whether or not Meyer has any intention of adding this God factor is beyond me. She does mention God often though and it makes one wonder if she has something up her sleeve.
To finish my entry I would remark upon the Edward that has been cast for the movie and the Bella too of course. I think that Robert Pattinson will make a great Edward. He is not exactly how I picture Edward but I don't think that a man who looks like Edward could possibly exist anyway. Bella is going to be played by Kristen Stewart. She is a perfect Bella. Hopefully, I will survive waiting for the movie to come out.And the final book. What can I say, Pray for me? :)

For My Pappaw

My grandfather died last night. He crashed his truck into a bridge. And that was his favorite truck. I cannot tell you how I feel right now. Honestly, there are no words. My grandpa was one of the few people who understood me and accepted me for who I am. He wasn't home on Father's Day when I came by the house. And I never got to see him. And now he is gone. I want him back. I want to go to my grandmother's house and find him sitting on the porch drinking a diet rite talking to my grandmother or working on his latest project. When I came by on Sunday he was out getting a new part for his lawn mower that he was working on. And today I was thinking to myself, "Who is going to fix it now?"
I remember picking pecans off the tree and cracking them open with my pap and eating them while lounging in the yard. I remember going to the grocery store with him and shifting gears in the truck and I remember helping him chop and load wood into the barn for the winter. My grandpa worked hard. And he was such an important part of my life.
And I remember how he loved us. He truly loved us.

And I miss him so much.

I pre-ordered the final book in the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. Breaking Dawn comes out August 2, 2008 and I already own a copy! I made myself a summer reading list today and I am quite happy about it. I wish I could go out and buy them all today or at least order them on Amazon and receive them by mail within the next couple of days. I would do it in a heart beat if I had a job. Right now I am living off of my money that I have saved from my two jobs during the spring. My parents paid for my summer classes and that meant that I could keep the money I had saved. The bad news is that this all I have to last the summer and I need to go grocery shopping to survivie. Basically, books will have to wait until I go home and have no big bills- like rent. Hopefully I will survive waiting that long. I know, maybe I will go buy a few cheap books at McKay's! Or just check some out from the library...

The Sugar Queen

Today, I read the most delightful book by Sarah Addison Allen. The Sugar Queen was completely amazing and made me feel as though someone actually understood me. I have, of course, felt like the main character Josey many times and have often used books as a way out of my own problems. I am somewhat jealous to find that one of the characters, Chloe, has books appear to her everywhere and that she does not have to pay for her books. I know I spend a fortune on my books and read them so fast that they rot on the shelf for months before I pick them up again to reread them. This has brought me to another topic. I have decided that any house I live in must have a library. I mean, I can make any old room my personal library if I need to, but I am determined that I will have one. It is funny because most girls plan their weddings and find their perfect dress, while I plan my future home... without a man in it. My mom thinks that I am crazy and that college has destroyed me. I rather like myself.

Books, Paris, and Seduction

My sisters came to my apartment this weekend and since I do not have a television.. I finally got them to read a book! A rather shocking phenomenon for one of my sisters. I have started reading the series by Stephenie Meyer. I finished Twilight late last week and have only just started New Moon. I am completely addicted. Edward is my favorite character. I must admit that I am completely seduced by his character. It is wierd because, well, he is ficional. Meyer is amazing, that is all I can say. How she can make a character that tempting is beyond me.

A photo from my trip to Europe last month. Yes, that is THE Eiffel Tower!

I'm Back!

Well, I made it to Ukraine! It was the best and the worst three weeks of my life. I had a wonderful time there and learned so much about myself and my faith. The truth is, now that I am home, I feel like a completely different person than the one I was when I left home. Three weeks. Three weeks and I cannot seem to shake my feelings and experiences that I had while there. Maybe to some it is easy to come home and pick their easy and simple lives back up and forget about everything we learned there. I cannot. We have it so easy here and even those who think they are "lacking," really have no idea how much they have. I am so glad that I had this opportunity and experience.

Waiting for Confirmation

I am supposed to be headed to Ukraine.. in a week. Yes, a week. However, my financial aid hasn't been cleared by the University. I am completely freaking out. Sometimes this makes me wish that I had wealthy parents that could just toss the money on the counter and that would be that. Now, I am not saying that I am ungrateful. I really am. My parents are really great to me. They pay my car payments, gas and cell phone. So that is a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders. I am just paranoid right now. What will I do if the money doesn't come in? Well, simply stated, I will spend my summer at home. My parents keep telling me to trust in God. I am trying. I know that if he wants me to go on this trip then the money will come in. I have some money in the bank. BUT it is not enough to pay for the whole trip. And I have to have the trip payed for by the end of this week. I am so nervous. I should have some donated money coming in soon.. I am just unsure of WHEN it will actually arrive.
Also, update about the water balloon and fountain swim.. well, lo and behold, I have developed a cold. Go figure.


If anyone reads my blog, please remember to pray for my trip and that it will work out. Thanks a lot.
Be Blessed

Water balloon fight!

Today I my dorm had a water balloon fight. In the end I became the target.. I don't know how it happened, we were all on teams and my team won (no thanks to me lol). We were cleaning up when I got pelted with balloons! Afterwards we went and played in the Universities fountain, which is a big No-NO. It was quite exhilarating.... it made me feel daring and exciting. Maybe I should do fun stuff like this more often. :Sighs: I have two finals on Monday and three on Tuesday...

Realizations at the End of the Semester

I realized today that I should have attended math class more. The reason for this sudden realization involves two reasons.. First, my grade is a C and second, it's finals week! Yay! I want to be a teacher, show children the joys of learning. Sadly, math is one subject that I do not enjoy. My Foundations of Early Childhood teacher says that I should approach all subjects with enthusiasm. My pessimistic attitude could ruin a child's love of math forever. And we all know boys are much better at math than girls. It is not a stereotype, it is a fact. Of course, my slightly feminist self burns at the mere mention of a male's superiority in anything. No, I am not a man-hater. I only believe that girls should be allowed to excel.


Also, I have realized that I have a strange addiction to anime. I know, right? It all started when a friend of mine had a picture on her laptop. I, being ignorant of this world of anime, asked if it was sailor moon. (Because in the end, all anime characters look alike, am I right?) She laughed at me! She then explained that it was a show called Fruits basket. So, I looked it up. Watched all 26 episodes and read all the manga up to date- all in one week. Needless to say, I was addicted. Then a friend's boyfriend suggested I watch Bleach. I watched episode one and was immediately hooked. I have now watched all 166 episodes and read all 315 chapters of the manga. I have watched Gakuen Alice, Ouran High School Host Club, and Prince of Tennis ( I'm on episode 133). Honestly, I think I need an intervention! I even read the fan stories on FanFiction.net.

The Good news is, I leave for a study abroad trip to Ukraine, Paris, and Amsterdam on May 7th. I am certain that I will overcome this anime addiction considering I will lack a computer for half a summer, then I will take summer classes all of June and go on a family vacation through July.

So, hopefully after reading this, you will think before you watch anime. Haha

First Blog

I have never written a blog before. I mean, I have journaled..but that's all private. One of those things that you never intend for anyone to read. This is completely different. I guess anyone can read it.. or not... I don't think I really have anything of import to say, so it's probably one of those things most everyone will ignore. And that's fine. I guess when I actually have something to say I will write it down.